


i wanna be alone (alone with you, does that make sense?)

by hyperfixation_station



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Rosa Diaz, Bisexuality, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon LGBTQ Female Character, Canon LGBTQ Male Character, F/F, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I cried writing it, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Female Character of Color, LGBTQ Themes, Santiaz, Whump, hjfasjkdfsakjdhfl, im so so sorry, it wasn't supposed to be this dark, its so sad, rosaxamy, very very not happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24586933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperfixation_station/pseuds/hyperfixation_station
Summary: this takes place during 5x20 show me going, i wanted to give it an *coughs* ...alternative endingxxi'm sorry this is going to be very sad and no there wont be a happy ending yk why? for shits and giggles soi'm not even gonna lie i cried so much while writing thisalso there's santiaz because apparently i'm obsessed with them now idekxxtitle from hostage by billie eilish
Relationships: Rosa Diaz & Amy Santiago, Rosa Diaz/Amy Santiago
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	i wanna be alone (alone with you, does that make sense?)

***TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS***

Amy is sitting on the roof, smoking. It's the first time in months. Rosa is in the Brooklyn Heights shooting. Amy knows that Rosa is a badass. Obviously. She's a fighter. But what if she can't fight hard enough? Amy takes another big breath. She stands up and crosses to the ledge. She leans on it, and she swears she sees Rosa across the street. She tears up. She feels lost.

The door opens. It's Holt. He opens his mouth to say something, and pauses, before saying, "Amy... Come with me." Amy's heart plummets and dread is added on to her fear. Her legs feel like a thousand pounds each as she takes a step towards the door. And then another. Her cigarette is burned out, and it falls right out of her hand on to the concrete floor. Pebbles crunch against her shoes and she numbly and mindlessly follows Holt inside. She can't think. She refuses to think.

She slows as she passes Rosa's desk. She tears up, and this time, she doesn't try to fight it off. A few droplets fall from her eyes and make tiny little _split splats_ against the tile.

The break room is a mess. Not the furniture in it... the people.

Terry is sitting on the couch, staring off into space, his brow slightly furrowed. Continuous streams of tears are flowing from his eyes. His hands are clasped, and one of his suspenders is falling off his shoulder. Holt's scanner is sitting next to him. He looks like he hasn't moved in hours, although that can't be true.

Charles is curled up between the vending machines. In his mind, he's going through every memory he has of Rosa, all the good times they've had together. He was in love with her for a year. They were great partners. She was one of his best friends. She told him about Babylon when he needed it. She cared for him. He rests his head in his arms on his knees as he realizes something terrible; he's reached the end of their memories together.

Gina is in a corner facing the wall with the hood on her hoodie up. She keeps gently banging her head against the wall. Amy sees her open and close five different apps before she gives up and shuts her phone off completely.

Jake is hugging himself, his hood up as well. This is the one situation in which he feels no motivation to make a joke and lighten anyone's moods. He eventually pulls the strings on his hood closed and sobs, quietly.

Holt is still standing, trying to figure out a way to command the room. He can't do it. He ends up just sitting in a chair at the table.

The room is so, so silent.

Amy can't figure out where to be. This is her new number one priority. No, she's not distracting herself. It's just very important where she sits. She can't sit too close to anyone else, she doesn't want to intrude, plus, she doesn't feel like being near anyone at all. Except Rosa.

Except Rosa.

Amy ends up settling on sliding down the wall, directly to the right of the doorframe. She doesn't dare look at anyone. She doesn't want to see their crushed faces. She's certain hers will look the exact same soon.

Holt breaks the silence. "I know you all heard my scanner a few minutes ago." He pauses. "I'm... deeply sorry."

"For what, exactly, Captain," Amy says. It's not a question. It's not a question because she already knows the answer.

Holt and Charles look at her, remorse and grief on their faces.

"Detective Diaz." The captain clears his throat. "Rosa." His voice breaks and he chokes, allowing a few tears to roll down his cheeks. One of them goes much slower than the other. One falls off the edge of his chin almost immediately. Amy can't help but think that Rosa is the tear that fell.

Amy realizes that her own tear may be falling faster than she ever thought it would.

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me if the end makes sense jkhdafalhdf i wrote this when i was really really tired
> 
> edit: i- ok  
> so this is like my favorite fic that I've ever written  
> I love it so so much  
> but it's way too short  
> so no one reads it
> 
> ᵃʰʰʰʰʰʰʰ


End file.
